Suffocate
by FrostyFingers
Summary: It was his fault. All of it. He should never have put her in such a position. Now she would die of suffocation in that horrible box. Why did she have to save him? He hated her, hated her for risking her life for his. But who was he kidding? He could never hate her. He loved her more than anything and now she was dying, because of him.


**AN:** A little something I wrote after the Director tried to kill Lizzie in that box and we all watched Aram cry... my heart hurt. Special thanks to my mate, greeneyesandgoldenlashes for looking this over for me. You're my mate, mate! Also, yes, I refuse to write Lizzie differently.

 **Disclaimer:** even my feels are owned by TPTBL

 **Suffocate**

"How's our girl?" He asked, skipping a greeting.

"Mr. Reddington… I… I… they -"

"Aram!" He interrupted, getting somewhat anxious. "Did they open the box?"

The young man shook his head, before remembering that Red wouldn't be able to see him. "N-no."

"Aram, what's wrong? Is Lizzie alright?!"

"She's… they know I changed the code and now they have cut off the air supply and started pumping hydrogen into the box. She… she can't breathe. She's suffocating in there."

There was a moment of silence on the other end as Red couldn't get his mouth to form any words. Suffocating. His Lizzie. She was alone and probably already scared enough inside that box, and now they were suffocating her.

"Mr. Reddington?" Aram's voice shook slightly and he had to wipe at his face to keep the tears from dropping off his face.

He swallowed hard, trying to calm his racing heart. "C-can you access the ventilation system?" He asked, feeling his stomach churning.

"N-no. I t-tried, but n-no." The young man stopped talking and Red could hear a distant conversation on the other side of the line. "Oh my god !"

"Aram!" Red shouted, his grip on the phone tightening. "Aram!" It was no use. The line was dead. He felt lightheaded and barely made it to a bench, stumbling all the way, before letting himself fall onto it. His heart was banging against his sternum, his blood rushing in his ears. He could feel tears stinging in his eyes. This couldn't be happening. Without any warning, he suddenly found himself bent over, spewing his stomach content all over the sidewalk.

It was his fault. All of it. He should never have put her in such a position. Now she would die of suffocation in that horrible box. Why did she have to save him? He hated her, hated her for risking her life for his. But who was he kidding? He could never hate her. He loved her more than anything and now she was dying, because of him.

He angrily wiped at his eyes, trying to make the tears go away but they were only coming faster now. His Lizzie was dying and he never even told her the truth. She would die without knowing what she meant to him.

Somehow, he had no idea how, but he had managed to get himself up to execute his plan. He owed her that much. The meeting with the Venezuelan president had gone rather smoothly, just like he thought it would, even though his thoughts were somewhere else entirely. He hadn't heard from Aram, or from Cooper or Ressler for that matter. He wasn't sure whether he was relieved or not.

He was just drying his face from the water he had splashed on it, when his cell started ringing. Throwing the paper towel into the bin, he quickly took it out of his pocket. "Aram, is she okay?" There was no reply. "Aram! Tell me she's okay!" He spoke frantically.

"Red."

That one word almost brought him to his knees and he had to grasp the sink for balance. "Lizzie." His voice broke with that one word. His throat was dry and his breath labored. "Oh Lizzie. Sweetheart, are you alright?"

"Yes," she replied and he sighed in relief.

He had so many questions, but he couldn't form any words, let alone speak out loud at all. The Concierge of Crime was close to breaking down in tears and was working hard so that she wouldn't notice.

But of course she did. "Are you okay?"

"Are you safe?" He rushed out. "Can we meet?" He had to see her. Had to take her in his arms and hold her close to reassure himself that she was indeed alright.

"I'm at Aram's," she said softly.

"I'll be right there," he said before ending the call. He put the cell on the sink and let his head hang, as he took deep, calming breaths.

 **LizzingtonLizzingtonLizzington**

Aram opened the door after looking through the peephole, letting Red in. The man looked like he hadn't slept in days, with dark circles under his eyes.

"Where is she?"

"Bedroom," the young man replied, pointing to a cracked door.

Red rushed past him, but then stopped in his tracks. "Aram… thank you. What you did… you did the right thing. You saved her. And for that I will be forever in your debt."

He didn't know what to reply. Reddington had tears in his eyes and Aram had never seen him like that. It seemed like he had been truly scared. Unable to do anything else, he nodded and then averted his eyes.

Continuing his path, he found her sitting on the bed, facing away from the door, her arms wrapped around herself. Upon seeing her his eyes started to tear up anew. She was alive. She was alive and safe and sitting right in front of him. The rush of intense feelings almost made his knees buckle.

It took him two long strides before he was at her side, where he kneeled down, slightly reverent to touch her.

Liz raised her head but didn't look at him. "Red," she whispered as her own eyes started to tear up.

He reached out and gently tucked some of her hair behind her ear, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone. That was all it took. Before she could stop herself, Liz whimpered and burst into tears, leaning into his touch.

It took him mere seconds to pull her onto his lap and into his arms, hugging her tightly enough to feel her erratic heartbeat. He didn't say anything for a while, content in holding her to him, breathing in the scent of her.

She was more than happy to hold on; his arms were once again her safe harbor. He was her rock, even though she was reluctant to voice her thoughts. She almost jerked away when she felt him trembling against her. "Red?"

He tried his hardest, but at the end couldn't keep in the sob-like sound that escaped his throat, as he pushed his face into the crook of her neck, his grip on her tightening. "Are you alright?" He whispered brokenly.

Biting her lips to keep herself from falling apart again, she tightened her arms around him, one hand at the back of his head, trying to soothe him. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm alright. Rather shaken, but… You're here now."

"I had to see you. I thought… I just had to see you Lizzie."

As his tears started seeping through to her skin, Liz made hushing noises, pressing her head against his. "It's okay."

He shook his head. "No."

"You tried everything and I'm thankful for that."

"Don't talk like that!" He snarled. Her fingers started caressing his short hair, before she gently kissed the side of his head, feeling him relax against her.

She felt so comfortable, so calm, sitting there on his lap, his arms wrapped around her body, it made everything that had happened slip to the back of her mind. She leaned back, not letting go of him though and just looked at him. His eyes were closed and there were tears on his face. It amazed her, she had never seen him cry. Sure, there had been times when she had been a bitch towards him and his eyes had been slightly wet, but never actual tears running down his handsome features. It hurt but at the same time it made her feel empowered and worshipped.

Cradling his face in her hands, she started wiping at the wetness. "Thank you."

His eyes opened, they were wet and bloodshot and he looked exhausted. "I failed you."

"You didn't."

He shook his head. "I told you that I wouldn't let anything happen to you and I failed you."

The index finger of her right hand slowly started tracing the lines of worry on his face, as if trying to stroke them away. "There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. And you're also the one that saved me."

"Aram saved you," he interrupted.

Liz frowned at him. "Why do you keep putting yourself down? Why can't you just accept this?"

"Because I'm not worthy of your thankfulness, of your forgiveness, of your…" He trailed off, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Love?" She continued and he sucked in a breath, his eyes big and round. She could see that he was afraid, but also hopeful. She didn't want him to be afraid, or for him to think that she was playing him. "What if I think you are?"

Red worked his mouth, but no words would come. He looked confused and absolutely terrified. "Lizzie," he managed to get out.

Her fingers traced a path to his temple and then to the shell of his ear, resting them in the small indentation behind the lobe. "If I told you something… would you be able to accept it without questioning?"

His heart was pounding faster, surely she could feel it, because she was still pressed against his chest. "I don't know," he said hoarsely.

He would never lie to her. That was finally getting through to her. "Would you be willing to try?"

"I'd do anything for you."

She nodded. "I'm finally realizing that. Red?"

"Yes, Lizzie?"

Smiling nervously, she used her free hand to play with the collar of his dress shirt, accidentally brushing over the scar she had given him. "This is harder than I thought," she laughed.

He smiled and loosened his arms, stroking one hand over her knee. "You don't have to say anything."

"I want to." He gave a smile at her reply. She gently cupped his jaw and leaned in so she could press a kiss to his forehead, staying close enough to nuzzle his face with hers. Her ministrations almost put him to sleep; it felt so good to be touched by her. "Red?"

"Lizzie?"

She bit her lip, not knowing what the sight did to him. "Raymond."

His lashes fluttered at the use of his given name and he had to swallow against the dryness in his throat. "Elizabeth," he replied, watching her blush slightly.

"I'm in love with you," she spoke softly. His lips parted on their own as his body started shivering. She could see fresh tears building up in his beautiful eyes, just before he looked off to the side. "No!" She said, grasping his face in her hands and angling his face back towards her. "Don't look away."

It looked like he wanted to speak, but was physically unable to. He was struggling and the noise that left his throat sounded like he was actually in pain.

Leaning in, she placed a gentle kiss to his cheek, almost, but not quite touching his mouth. "It might be crazy," she started, her lips moving against his skin. "It might be dangerous, it might be frowned upon or labeled as wrong. I'm rather sure it's illegal, but so be it. No one's ever made me feel the way you do. I love you. I have for some time now, but…" She huffed a laugh and he watched her tearing up again.

The hand on her knee squeezed gently and she shot him a quick smile, before taking his hand in hers, playing with his fingers, to buy herself some time.

"I was scared. Scared of how much you actually mean to me. But I've realized just how short life is and wasting just another second and going on without telling you what you mean to me… I can't do it. So, yeah… this is it."

"I don't know what to say," he said.

With his hands clasped in hers, she gave him a reassuring smile. "You don't have to say anything."

"I want to," he threw back her own words with a grin. "You mean the world to me, Lizzie. Without you in my life, there's no reason to keep going at all. You know that I would do everything for you. What you just gave me…" He broke off and swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath he took their joined hands and placed a kiss on hers. "I love you. I always have and I always will. But I'm scared," he admitted.

The hand at the back of his neck continued their ministrations. "Of me?"

"In a way," he laughed. "Lizzie… you have all the power. And it's either going to make me the happiest man on earth, or destroy me. And that is truly terrifying." The smile on his lips slowly faded away. "I'm not deserving of your love, you deserve so much better but I crave it. I crave your touch, your attention. Sweetheart, I need you to be sure. There's no way I can ever recover from losing you, after having even a taste of what you're offering to give me."

"You're the most complex man I've ever met. I don't understand half of what you're thinking or where it's coming from." She brushed her nose against his and watched in amazement as he drew in a shaky breath. "I don't know if you're ever going to tell me everything, but what I know is that I love you, I really do and I want this. I want us."

With his arm he drew her closer, their lips almost touching now. "I feel like a teenager," he whispered.

"I'm a little nervous myself. And I really hope you kiss better that a slobbery teenager."

He didn't respond this time and instead sealed her lips with his, putting in years of pent up emotions, showing her exactly what she meant to him and that there was no way he would ever let go of her again.

When they came up for air, they stayed close. One of his hands was tangled in her hair, while the other was still clutching hers. Her free arm was wrapped around him, to hold him to her; she wasn't going to let go anytime soon.

Red raised their joined hands and gave her a big smile. "I'll need this now."

"Oh, do you?" She challenged.

With a predatory growl, he grabbed her waist with both hands and positioned her so that she was straddling him, his mouth finding hers blindly. Liz laughed into his mouth as he lowered them to the floor, covering her body with his. Her arms and legs wrapped themselves around him so she could pull him even closer, not that there was any space left between them.

With his tongue, he gently parted her lips, mapping her mouth thoroughly before allowing her to do the same. "You taste so good," he managed to get out.

"Your lips are so soft," she replied between kisses.

As their hands began exploring, their hips were starting to move against one another, which made her feel exactly how _big_ his _love_ for her actually was.

"Oh my god!" The couple broke their kiss and looked up at the intruder. "I am so sorry. I don't… I just… oh god! I'm sorry!" Aram's face was a bride shade of pink, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste to leave the room.

Liz groaned and let her head drop to the floor, but Red was still all smiles and went to place a string of kisses down her neck. "Look at the bright side," he spoke against her carotid.

"Which is?"

"One less person to tell."

Her arms automatically tightened around him. "Well, you did kind of tell everyone already." Red pulled his head back and looked at her, his expression puzzled. "And to say it with one of my favorite quotes: 'We're going to make a great team.'"

He couldn't help but agree with her.


End file.
